I guess because they’re undefeated and bored, the barefoot, meth-mouthed, Sudafed-cooking, Civil War-reenacting, sister-humping, dentist-ignoring, foothill-dwelling, jug band-listening, Falwell-loving, log cabin-building, white hood-wearing, cross-burning, wood-whittling, banjo-plucking, “I was just helping that sheep over the fence” hillbillies have decided to raise my ire once again. Apparently, they’re considering “throwback” Oiler jerseys for next season.
I’d like to say to Bud Adams, and I mean this sincerely – tonight, when your face is buried four inches into your dinner trough – choke on it, pig. Seemingly, you exist purely to antagonize the city of Houston, and all the fans who supported that team until you ripped it away. My parents spent their hard-earned money on Oiler season tickets for three years, and we were loyal, loud fans… and of course you did what you did. You moved the team to the land of meth and questionable family lineage.
The blathering, bloody-gummed hillbillies won’t understand. They’ve only had their team for around a decade. They haven’t been through the hard times – they were essentially given a Super Bowl-contending team, and they reacted like any other fans would react – they were excited. They’ll say “yawl over yonderway in Yooston need to git over it awlready. It’s beeyen like… this here many yeeyars since the Awhlers done skeedaddled to Tenes… Tinny… Tennis… to this here playce I’m a-livin’.”
Well, that’s true, Cletus. That’s true. We do need to get over it. But personally, I’m not going to get over it until the Texans take a significant step forward. Your team is very, very good right now. You have a fearsome defense, a capable offense, and a head coach who I think is amongst the best in the NFL and has been for a long time now.
Admittedly, the Texans are nowhere. 1-4 after five games, with a head coach, a defense, and a quarterback (among other things) that we have varying levels of tentative confidence in. What you want to hear is that Texans fans are jealous – and you know what? I’ll give you what you want. I am jealous of that bad-ass defense, especially. I’m also constantly forced to be upset about the fact that Nashville thinks they have some sort of claim to the history of the Houston Oilers.
It won’t be the last time, so once again – the Houston Oilers have nothing to do with you. Earl Campbell is a Houston Oiler. Warren Moon is a Houston Oiler. You have absolutely zero claim to any of it, but you keep claiming it anyway. You all love Bud and think he’s a great owner, but you just don’t know yet – and you never will. The foul beast will most likely kick it before you ever get to experience the “true” Boss Hogg.
Have some dignity. Allow the Houston Oilers to remain dead and buried. There’s no reason to stoke the fires of hatred and misdirected anger that you’re so efficiently stoking right now. What’s the point of that? If you want to be true to your heritage, instead of stealing from Houston’s rich history, steal some of your own. I suggest denim overall jerseys, or some kind of grey-colored wool design… maybe a confederate flag on the helmet.
This shouldn’t anger me as much as it does… but it just does. I’m sitting here about to detonate. It’s sad, really. Eric – you live in Nashville. Do something. DO SOMETHING!