Yay. Celebrate. Woohoo.

Being that I’m not a professional cheerleader, I can’t get excited about this win, but I’m sure glad – more like relieved – that we won. Matt Schaub saved himself from being the goat was the hero, as he landed safely in the endzone with three seconds left in the game – rather than “crashing the helicopter” in a fiery pile of molten steel blue.

ANYWAY… we won… though my body still feels like it was a loss, if that makes any sense.

Schaub heard the boos, the RIDICULOUS chants for Sage, and pulled out a win.
Matt Schaub had a pretty big day numbers-wise. 22-42 for 379 yards, 1 passing TD, 1 rushing TD, and 2 INTs. The CBS announcer said that Schaub was the hero. True, I guess. He very easily could (should?) have had 4 INTs if not for some drops by the Miami secondary – but that’s going to happen.

The bottom line is – no matter how Schaub’s performance was leading up to the final drive, he did something that we’re not used to as Houston Texans fans. He led the team down the field in the final two minutes, and scored a game-winning touchdown – on fourth down no less.

Schaub scored the game-winning touchdown on a gutsy QB draw play, and when he spiked the ball into the wall in front of him, I got the distinct feeling that the spike was more about releasing frustration. Frustration from getting booed, from hearing brain-dead Texans fans chanting “we want Sage,” frustration from losing all these games… I was very happy for Schaub. He didn’t play great – but THAT is how you WIN a football game in the final minutes.

So yes, there were a lot of positives, not the least of which are the 485 total yards of offense. 485 yards. That’s big time no matter who you’re playing.

Not to belittle the win, but we have got to take a look at some of the bad things from this game… and oh, man – there were a lot of them.

If the coaching situation isn’t getting worse – it sure isn’t getting better.
The play calling was at its best last week against the Colts… this week, more problems. The Texans had plenty of time and a time out with under two minutes left in the first half – but they played scared. There was ample opportunity to get in field goal range… instead – short pass, run, run. Huh? Gary Kubiak makes a big deal about trusting his quarterback, but it sure seemed like he was closing out that first half with the fear that Schaub was going to throw his third interception.

There were other issues… cutesy play calls, weird clock management, wastes of time outs because they couldn’t get the plays in – I mean, it’s just a mess out there! With the Dolphins bringing that Wildcat gimmick to town, it was the PERFECT opportunity for the Texans to out-coach the opposition – yet the first-year Fins coaching staff pulled out another trick play – and stuffed it right down the third-year Houston staff’s throat.

Also – I realize that they are splitting time between Ahman Green and Steve Slaton, but at some point Green was in the game two series’ in a row, and that’s just a mistake. The Houston offense loses a HUGE dimension with Slaton off the field. I’m fine with a healthy Green giving Steve a rest, but not for two series in a row. You lose the big play, gamebreaking threat with Slaton on the sideline. Still, it’s hard to fault the Texans from using Green for the God-knows-how-short term that he’ll be upright.

Now we move to the final series. I don’t recall the exact details, but at some point during the last drive, the Texans got a completion – then called their second time out only after several precious seconds (seems like it was about ten) had ripped off the clock. Considering how the game ended – that turned out to be a good thing, but obviously that’s not what the coaches were counting on when they inexplicably decided to let time run off the clock when they only had two time outs left – and weren’t anywhere NEAR scoring range.

So, the coaching – specifically clock-management and play calling – took another step back.

Turnovers. My god, the turnovers.
Two more interceptions from the arm of Schaub… it could have been a lot worse. Andre Johnson bailed him out on the final drive. Before that you had AJ inexplicably fumbling a ball into the endzone… then – the moment where we all collectively said “here we go again.” With the Texans leading late in the game, Eugene Wilson came on the field as a late substitution. He intercepted a Chad Pennington pass, and immediately coughed it up giving Miami a fresh set of downs, which of course led to their lead-taking touchdown.

It was ugly… yet, somehow, the Texans overcame losing the turnover battle 4-1. The film-watching session will certainly include some colorful language. “Aw, shucks Eugene! Just fall on the gawsh durn ball, son!”

Let’s talk about the defense.
Mario Williams continued his path to world domination, fighting off numerous holds and clips and STILL managing to get his. This week, two sacks, and too many pressures to count. He was who he is week in and week out. Let’s not take it for granted.

Predictably, Houston got hoodwinked by the Wildcat formation to the tune of an embarrassing 53-yard touchdown reception by Patrick Cobbs. If that wasn’t bad enough, Cobbs also caught a short screen pass and turned it into an 80 touchdown, this time from the regular formation. There was some bad tackling, poor coverage, and mass confusion out there… again. Dunta, keep working, man.

With the game on the line – when is the last time the Texans defense forced a three-and-out against an opponent with less than five minutes remaining in the game, to seal a victory? Need a minute? I’ll give you some time.

…
…

Didn’t think so. Has it EVER happened? I’m not convinced. It certainly hasn’t happened anytime recently. This week, they had a chance to put the game away in style, but Eugene Robinson took care of that by coughing up the ball. I’m sorry – but it’s another turnover that I saw coming. I don’t know what it is, but like an arthritic knee before a thunderstorm – I just get this sick feeling before a Texans fumble. It happened with both Sage fumbles last week, and it happened with Wilson this week. I can’t say I saw AJ’s coming, though.

Speaking of Andre Johnson…
I’m telling you, this guy is the best wide receiver in the AFC. His numbers may not bear it out – but there’s nobody better when he’s on, and man was he ever on against Miami. Believe it or not – AJ’s 178 yards receiving were good enough for a career high. I was a little surprised at that. I’m going to call it now that he has a 200+ yard game in 2008. Yes, his fumble was terrible – but he MORE than made up for it with that incredible, impossible, implausible play he made to save the Texans (and especially Schaub) on 4th & 10 during the game-winning drive.

I don’t even know how to describe it. It was a sure-fire interception, but AJ leaped into the air, and while not in the best position, somehow managed to take the ball away from the defender, maintain possession, and get a drive-saving first down for the team. Amazing. Best wide receiver in the AFC. Maybe the NFL by time the season is over.

Jacoby Jones! THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!!
How great was it to see Jacoby Jones become the playmaker that we all knew he could become. After several shaky fair-catches, questionable decisions, and scary ball-handling, JJ busted one for a 70-yard punt return touchdown, and in a great moment – leaped up into the stands into the arms of his mother. That might be the highlight of this otherwise miserable season so far… and it sparked the Texans to their first win.

The Texans MUST WIN the next two games.
Like I said earlier – I’m underwhelmed. I’m not excited, I’m relieved. If the Texans want to work toward changing that – because I PROMISE you I’m not the only one – they have got to take care of business against the only remaining winless teams in the NFL. Two consecutive home games against the Lions and the Bengals. They have GOT to be 3-4 at the end of this stretch, there’s just no other way to put it.

The Texans won. Period.
It wasn’t pretty. They lost the turnover battle, yet pulled out the win. Their defense caved in the final moments, yet they pulled out the win. They gave up several big-gain plays to the other team, yet they pulled out the win. Translation – Sunday, the breaks went Houston’s way, unlike every other game this season. That’s good sign that this team can turn things around on the road to gaining back the respect they so desperately want.

Playing well and losing gets you nowhere. Playing horribly and winning is still winning, and it can inspire confidence much more than the “we played so well for 55 minutes” travesty of last week ever could. Personally – I’ll be seeing the smoking helicopter wreckage in my rear view mirror for many weeks to come. But I’m a fan, that’s what I do. The players, however, have done the only thing they CAN do to forget their version of Black Hawk Down – they’ve won. They’ve finally won.

Now let’s take care of these next two. In all honesty, they should both be easy wins… but we’re Texans fans. We don’t do easy.